He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he just fucked me for my cheese.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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