I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
