she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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