my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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