You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
