i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
