I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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