Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
