I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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