I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
