Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i think i just lost a toe
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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