oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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