You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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