i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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