I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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