When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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