Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
