I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
