Who did Billy Mays play for?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
