We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
