you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
