Me. At least after what I've been through.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
