so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
