so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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