Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
