I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
