That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
