i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
