Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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