I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
