im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
