i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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