I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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