I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
