worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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