We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
