Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
