I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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