Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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