WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
