Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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