Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
