even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
