Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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