Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
