So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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