this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she told me i tasted like america
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
