my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
