I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
