What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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