Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
BRING THE BAGELS
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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