I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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