U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
