I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
