But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
