Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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