Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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